Jungle cats, rats, wife beaters, and lottery winning Pandas

by agoodnow

So I show up to work this morning bright and early.  It was well before 10 am.  I walk in and sit down at my desk.  I grab some water and go to talk to my boss.   As I’m on my to my boss’s office I see an HR looking fellow (think Toby from The Office) wandering around.  I quickly went into “Who the fuck is this” mode.  The first person I go to in these situations is our administrative assistant.  He knows everything that’s going on.  He knew nothing.  Next stop, boss’s office.  So I walk in and ask “Is anyone getting fired today?”  He tells me not that he is aware of.   I went back to my desk and checked the company directory just to be sure.  I was still there as of 10:30 this morning. 

The wallpaper on my cell phone is now the picture of a giant rat balloon with two bags of money in its hands.  It was in front of a building for some sort of union strike.  It also has a large cigar in its mouth.  This thing was at least 30 feet tall.

Ran 40 minutes at the gym tonight.  Lifted for another hour.  Big development, I’m now able to do multiple pull ups.   That is one step closer to not being a fat kid.  I am looking at it as a 12 step process.  I’m not sure what step I’m on, but the 12 step is finishing the half marathon.  Maybe I should write a book.  “12 steps to not being fat”  I can see it on the NY Times bestseller list for at least 8 years. 

OH…I almost forgot, there was a girl at the gym wearing a wife beater.  Unfortunately for the rest of us, that is all she was wearing for a shirt.  After a little sweat there wasn’t much left to the imagination.   She had about 30 pounds go before she crossed the “that’s absolutely disgusting”  conversation and into the “that’s a little weird, but at least she’s hot” conversation.

Anyone who owns a large jungle cat and is attacked by it does not deserve the medical treatment given to him/her.  Same goes for monkeys and chimps.  

What’s that noise?  Oh, it is the sound of Jets fans shutting the fuck up.  It is delightful.

I am spending a crazy amount of money on food.  Grocery stores in the city might as well take my IPod along with all of my money when I go there.  I understand that it costs a lot to pay rent and to ship food onto the island, but a 100% mark up?  Really Food Emporium?  Really? 

I have not bought water in almost a year.  It tastes no different out of the tap when cold. 

I’m reading a book on the history of money.  Maybe it will help me get some more.  Speaking of which I have 35 minutes to get some Mega Millions tickets.  I have a good feeling about tonight.  Ok, not really, but for $2 I can dream of buying an island, building a golf course, and owning a Panda.  Ahhhhhh, the good life.