Marriages, bachelor parties, speeches

by agoodnow

Most of my friends are stupid.  By that I mean that they are married.  Few and far between are my friends who are smart enough to avoid spending the next 60 years of their life with another person.  Think about that.  60 years.  I don’t understand why they all got married so young.  It makes zero sense.   Think about it this way.  When your grandparents got married right after high school or college there was a reason for it.  There was only a certain amount of time where you could have kids.  Also, people didn’t live as long back then.  If you lived to be 70 you had a pretty good run.  Today, you can have kids into your late 40’s and you are going to live for as long as a machine stays plugged in.

Think about how long people live today. (I know a lot about this as I see mortality tables on a regular basis for work)  Odds are that most of my friends (being upper class, white collar, and living in suburban/gentrified neighborhoods) will live well into their 80’s.  If you get married at 25 that gives you 60 years.   I’m not saying you shouldn’t ever get married.   Quite the contrary.  I think getting married is a great thing, but why so young?  Make some money. Travel.  Do things by yourself.  Enjoy your friends.   Now a counter argument could be made that married people can do all of these things.  But it is different.  Not one of my friends is the same since getting married.  Some have calmed down.  Some are afraid of their wives.  Some are completely miserable in their marriages.   Some saw it as the “next step”, not necessarily wanting to commit to it, but knowing it was that or losing their girlfriend who they cared for deeply.     Do people have a preoccupation with getting married before 30 that they just invest entirely into whatever relationship they enter  after the age of 25?  It seems that way to me.

That being said, I do not have one friend that is divorced………………….YET.  (Not trying to be a dick or anything, but statistically speaking its going to happen eventually.  Its  simple math)

I’m writing this because I have two weddings this year.  I am genuinely excited for both.    I am in one and the “best man” (not quite sure about that title) in the other.   One bachelor party will be a bon fire in the middle of the woods.  (There better be cases of whiskey for that one and I have no idea how we’ll get strippers there, but you can bet your ass I’ll try)  The other I am planning and I’m not sure what to do.  I want to maximize the number of people who can go, so I’d like to keep it local, but New Orleans or Vegas sound appealing  Very appealing. 

I’m also working on the “best man speech”.   It is not easy to write something that  is funny and not offensive.  I am putting in some real hours trying to figure out how to give a 4 minute speech.    Then other things come into play.  Do I stay sober?  Do I have one drink?  Two drinks?  Maybe 3?   perhaps go up with a bottle of champagne in one hand and a microphone in the other……Should I write it down?  Memorize it?   Create a powerpoint?   Bring up some props?  All ideas I’m toying with.

 I can just about guarentee it will be memorable.