Cupid is a little bastard

Valentine’s Day.  I’m not a fan.  Let me tell you why.

Do you know anything about Valentine’s Day?  Do you know who St. Valentine was?   Was there a St. Valentine?  Do you know when people began giving each other cards on Feb. 14th?  Do you know Valentine’s Day’s country of origin?

Have you ever been depressed on Valentine’s Day?  Ever been disappointed on Valentine’s Day? 

Valentine’s Day sucks.  That’s all there is to it.  Modern Valentine’s Day is an American invention.  It is worse than JUST a Hallmark Holiday.  It is a florist holiday, a Godiva holiday, a restaurant holiday, a Tiffany holiday, a fancy hotel holiday (maybe not always fancy, but you get the point), and worst of all a Prozac holiday.  It causes people to be anxious, let down,  depressed…… 

You want to make someone feel special?  Send flowers on August 14th.  Surprise your significant other with a hand written note on June 1st. 

I’m not Mr. Romance over here, but even I can see that Valentine’s Day is a crutch.   It is full of unoriginal thoughts, hackneyed gestures, and boring gifts. 

Learn a little something——Ladies please note the part where women were whipped to promote fertility….enjoy:

I love the Olympics.  These people are spectacular.  The dedication, the focus, and the passion …..OH, I JUST SAW SOME DUDE WIPE OUT!!!!!  Ok, I like the wipe outs too.  I have seen two that have been awesome (and nobody got hurt)  Some of these figure skating chicks are hot.  Exotic, athletic hot. 

McDonald’s is a sponsor of the Olympics?  Really McDonald’s?  Because top tier athletes are dining at McDonald’s on a regular basis.    “You don’t have to be an Olympic athlete to eat like one”  That is the slogan.  Fucking wow.   So I guess McDonald’s is offering protein shakes, complex carb meals, and organic produce……in that case I’ll take another look at the dollar menu.

I went to WalMart in Connecticut today.  I spent $28 on a whole lot of food.   If there were that kind of cheap food in Manhattan I would save $8m a year.  Maybe more.  I eat a lot.

As I’m leaving the gym:

Guy at front desk: I done got jumped by 40 people one time

Employee #2: Yo, that’s crazy yo.  When this?

Guy: Like Elementary School.

#2: Oh….

Guy:  Yeah, they was like pushing and shoving me…

#2: So you was like what…..

Guy: I was scared man, I was 9

#2: Yo, so you beat all them up later right?

Guy: No….but I beat up the biggest one later.

#2: I bet he was all scared one on one

Guy: Yeah, you know……

Me: Really?  40 kids beat “jumped” you when you were 9 years old?  No, this did not happen.  You sound like an idiot.   And you Mr. #2, you are just as dumb for listening to him.  You will both be low level employees at New York Sports Club for the rest of your lives.  I am dumber for having heard this….may God have mercy on your souls.  (I did not actually say this, but I wanted to)

Yes, that was word for word a conversation being held as I was leaving the gym.