Saint Patrick’s Eve
Tomorrow is Saint Patrick’s Day. Or as I like to call it: amateur hour. I will walk to work amongst the greenest of drinkers. All wet behind the ears. Some with vomit on their green t-shirts with slogans ranging from “Kiss me I’m Irish” to “Fuck you I’m Irish” both are lovely sentiments…..
Me, well…..I love Saint Patrick’s Day. I think it is a great reason to get drunk and eat corn beef. Fuck it, I wish everyday were Saint Patrick’s Day. Although this year……we have a problem. I will not be drinking. It is unholy and I may be punished for this in some form of afterlife, but I’ll be sober on March 17, 2010. Here are some things I will miss about tomorrow:
1. I love giving bars $20 for the privilege of drinking in their establishments
2. Nothing says “Let’s have some good fun” like having to drink from plastic cups because glass is “too dangerous” on St. Patrick’s Day
3. I love walking through human urine on the sidewalks
4. Sneaking back to work after a 3 hour lunch is never scary
5. Masking the smell of a 3 hour lunch is never suspicious. “Andrew, that bowl of mints is for everyone in the office….”
I wonder how well it would go over if I put food coloring in the water cooler?
I have my review tomorrow. My boss reminded me when we scheduled it, “Andrew, that is the 17th…..at 3pm…..St. Patricks Day….you sure?” I guess he knows more than he lets on.
Should I wear a green tie tomorrow or does that just make me a D-bag?
I’m postive I’ll have some good material for tomorrow’s blog. I can feel it.