Investment Advice

by agoodnow

I promise not to turn this into an investment blog, but I must say it is fun.  I took a portion of money I had saved when I stopped drinking and put it into the market just to see what would happen with some high risk stocks.  My mentality was that of going to Vegas.  I’m taking a certain amount of money and when it’s gone, I’m done.  But the beautiful thing about the stock market is that as long as all six of my positions don’t go to zero there will still be money left for me to play with.  Not like the times that I hit the Roulette table and swear that the ball is going to land on 19 when I have ten chips stacked on it.  Or when I sit at a Black Jack table and the dealer hits 6 hands in a row between 19-21.  (I love it when the dealer apologizes for winning because he knows he isn’t going to get tipped.)

Here are my comparisons between the casino and the stock market:

Initial purchase

With stock you have to pay a commission of some kind.  It is money that is gone forever.  You spend it and it is done.  You get a notification (all digital now) that you are the proud owner of 100 shares of Acme Corp.  (or in my case, the Andrew is Going to Lose all of his money on this stupid stock Corp.)  In other words it is a fairly dependable transaction.

With the casino you get chips.  They are yours to redeem at any given time.  But they are not necessarily all that dependable.  You can lose them in many different ways.  To the casino, you can drop them, you can tip with them, you can fall over drunk, and once you have enough Jack and gingers (my drink of choice while gambling) you don’t even see them as money.   It is monopoly cash.  Once you start winning it you start throwing it around like you are Pac Man Jones in a strip club.  Just making it rain.

The Rush

Is there anything more exhilarating than winning money in a casino?  If there is it involves winning some form of professional championship or an after party at the Playboy mansion.  I don’t care what game it is….you feel a sense of euphoria when you are winning money.  You feel like it is your day. 

But when you start “gaining” money in the stock market you feel like saying “yeah, I knew that.  I’m just smarter than everyone else.   No big deal.  I’m a player.”   When in reality, I am one CEO sex scandal away from some of my stock selections going to zero.   Think about it.  If the CEO of a Fortune 500  company pulled a Tiger Woods and was all over the news do you think that wouldn’t have a negative impact on a stock price?   Look at what happens when Steve Jobs obituary was accidently run in a major newspaper.  The stock took a hit. 

Losing Money

When I’m in the casino sometimes I lose money so fast that I can’t even get angry.  There just isn’t enough time.  What worries me most when I start losing quick is that the cocktail waitress won’t make it back in time with my free drink before I run out of money.  Other times, you are up.  Up big.  Perhaps you’ve had a drink or 14 and can barely see.  So you start betting like you are Charles Barkley.  And slowly… start losing…..always one hand away from getting BACK up big…….and then you realize you have the same amount of money you started with.  FUCK.  What do you do now?  Keep betting?  Walk away with a bitter taste in your mouth?  I, unfortunately, always keep betting.  And I, unfortunately, always lose all of my money.  But I, fortunately, always stay late enough where the cocktail waitresses need the extra money and keep bringing me drinks at a rapid fire pace. 

When I’m losing money in the market I feel like an idiot.  How did I make such a bad selection?  Did I do enough research on this company?  Who the fuck is running this company?   Should I sell now so that I can get 37% of my money back?   Should I start buying more as it is going down?  Should I go sell some blood?  Will I need a second job when the market closes at 4 pm?   


You should see me hitting the refresh button on my computer all day to update my stock prices.  It borders on obsession……but I love it.  I find it thrilling…….

You should see me hitting the ATM machine at the casino… is the only place where I win money……it is exciting every time I see cash come out.  I never get a receipt.  I don’t want to see how little money is left or how much money I was just charged to access my own cash.

Getting Hot

Hot stock tips could end you in an 8 x 8 cell…………playing house with a 350 pound man named Larry.  (Best jail advice I have ever heard:  Sleep with your pants on and your back to the wall)

You get hot in a casino and they give you a suite for the night and free breakfast in hopes that the next day some 350 pound blackjack dealer named Larry will rape you.  The irony…..

Knowing when to call it quits

I have yet to learn that skill…….if someone has figured it out please let me know.    I keep chasing large dollar signs.   Who says that has to be a bad thing?