Deep thoughts by A.Gnow

I haven’t had a random thoughts post in a while………….

Last Thursday I was in a coffee shop loading up on my morning buzz.  After getting my coffee and bagel with cream cheese I began looking for a table.  Just as I found an open spot a British guy snags it.  As I begin muttering every stereotype I know about the British, the gentleman asks me if I would like to share the space with him.  Here are my thoughts:

1. How un-New York.  This never happens.  People like their space and rarely share it.

2. He must feel bad because he knew I was looking at that spot before he swooped in a stole it.  To avoid an altercation with a person of my physical superiority he did the wise thing and offered me a seat. (truth be told, I was just going to go outside and sit on a bench if I couldn’t find a seat)

3. This is the Upper East Side and not the West Village……right?

I accepted his offer to share the table with him.  I was only there for a few minutes while I ate, but I must say it was refreshing to have someone be so courteous.

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How about that stock market?  I might as well go out and buy $1,000 worth of Mega Millions tickets tonight.  The odds of making money are probably about the same as investing in the S&P 500 right now.

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Instead of “Drill Baby Drill”  I hope the Republicans chant, “Club that seal.  Club that seal.”  at their next convention.

I’m changing my registration to that of an Independent.  I am disgusted by both Republicans and Democrats right now. 

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I have an idea……..everytime something goes wrong in the US let’s have a pointless excercise where Fortune 500 CEOs testify before congress.  It is an efficient use of everyone’s time.  Great for politicians to look like they are sticking up for the little guy.  The CEOs get to head to The Old Ebbit Grill (one of the oldest/nicest restaurants in the country) after back peddling all day long and claiming no responsibility for the actions of their god-less, soul-less organizations.

It makes for a nice little day in D.C.

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Can we legalize pot already?  How has that not happened yet?  I don’t smoke it, but it grows from the fucking ground. 

Legalize it and tax it.  Federal deficit is gone in 3 years.

(I bet you would also see a decrease in drug related crimes as well)

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There is this old dude at the gym who puts 255 pounds on the bench press.  He then lifts the bar up….lowers it 4 inches and lets out the loudest noise outside of the African Safari. 

I want to go over to him and say, “You know, if you only lifted ….150 pounds you could do the entire excise, you most likely wouldn’t groan like a donkey in pain, and I bet you would see better results.

But he is old and wants to lift heavy like a young kid.  I only hope I’m not there the day a blood vessel bursts in his forehead, because isn’t if it will happen, it is when.

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Allergies are so bad that I have sounded like a frog for the last 2 weeks.  If they don’t get better soon I’m going to be an angry frog.

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Randomly ran into my Mom on Park Ave. on my way home from work last night.  Always something about seeing Mom that makes the day a little better.

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I have a friend who got drunk and came up with an idea for a T-shirt.  It involves Phil Mickelson.  Well, through friends of friends Phil Mickelson was presented with the idea.  Apparently, if Phil Mickelson wins the US Open he will grant the licensing for my buddy’s t-shirt idea. 

That……..is…………awesome. 

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I bought an orange, a banana, and a plum for $1 this morning.   Who says it is expensive to eat healthy?