Wedding Crasher (that’s me)
So I have a small problem.
My best friend gets married in ten days. I was hell bent (and I mean HELL BENT) on having a date for this gala. Well, that didn’t work out so well.
I had three criteria for a date:
1. She could be left alone for extended periods of time (ie when I am fulfilling my best man duties)
2. She would NOT get out of hand drunk until at least the after party. The last thing I want to do is deal with some girl who gets all idiot drunk and makes me look like “that guy with the drunk date”
3. She can come up to Connecticut for two nights (ie she is cool with spending one night in a hotel with me. I got two beds just in case)
In typical Andrew fashion I am dateless. I had a date lined up for….oh, at least a month or so and yeah…….let’s not even get into that.
So I called up my buddy A-dawg. She was ALL sorts of excited to go. She is one of my best buddies and a fun time. She can hang out with the guys AND as long as she isn’t doing shots of Jack Daniels she can stay realatively sober/not fall down drunk. It would have been a great platonic time………..of course, she realized that the wedding is on the high holy day for those of the Jewish persuasion and thus she will be unable to attend. Oy Vey.
The remaining person that I would ask that fulfills all of my requirements…..well, that is a tough one. See, she used to date my best friend and I would not bring her just because the wedding day is the BRIDE’S DAY and I think it would be unfair of me to bring my best friend’s ex to his wedding.
So here I am. Fucked. I actually just laughed a little bit. It is sort of funny. Why start bringing dates to weddings now? I have been to 2,693 of them without a date thus far and they have all gone well.
That said, the last wedding I went to I had a date and……it was more fun with one.
So here is how I’m going to look at it. Who needs a date? All of my best friends from high school will be there. My best friend is getting married. I’m happy for him. I’m happy for his fiance. I’m happy for his family. I’m psyched that I get to give a speech. I’m excited for the whole weekend. His family, his entire family, has treated like one of their own. I’m not going to let one little thing like this get me down. No reason to.
So I came up with a list of reasons why I SHOULD go alone:
1. There will be single, young ladies there. Some from California. We all know how Andrew likes girls from California.
2. I will not have to deal with a girls crap all over the hotel room. Seriously, you can’t move in the bathroom by the time they get all their crap out to get ready. You would think they opening a fucking spa.
3. I now do not need to worry about anything except for having fun. (and delivering a non-shitty best man speech)
4. There is no chance for any drama of any sort. (actually that isn’t true. You never know when one of my buddies will fall over on the dance floor and I have to get him to his hotel room. However, any drama will not involve me and a girl – well, ok, maybe it could….but I would just get slapped or have a drink thrown at me and I would move on instead of a whole night filled with arguing)
5. Reduction in the odds I will get lipstick on the rental tux (Ok Ok, again, not exactly true….besides, who cares? It’s a rental)
6. I do not have to introduce anyone to my mother – Big sigh of relief.
7. See number 6. I just gave myself a hi – five.
8. I can focus on what is important and the people who I am there for.
So yeah, it kind of sucks, but at the same time. I’m not exactly broken up right now. I feel bad because I replied with an “And Guest”, but I’m sure it won’t be that big of a deal.
Here’s to a good (single) time!!!!