Rapture and Stupid People
I have some questions and comments about this whole rapture thing.
1. I want to see the data on how many people withdrew money from retirement plans etc. in light of the world ending……..in oh, 5 hours
2. Have you seen the guy who came up with this? I am amazed he is still alive. He looks like the crypt keeper.
3. If the world is really ending is it inappropriate for me to go to Tina Fey’s apartment and profess my love for her? Oh, it is? Even if the world is ending? So I shouldn’t do that? Glad we cleared that up.
4. I should most likely go purchase a gun for the looting that will ensue. Damn waiting periods, I’m in trouble.
5. I really am going to be VERY upset if I don’t get to find out how Ted Mosby meets his wife. No really. Pissed.
6. What happens to all these people who have been marching around for the last couple of months preaching about this nonsense? Do they go back to the jobs they quit?
“Woops, guess I was wrong about that…….I’d really like my fry cook job back. ”
7. I wonder how long it takes to get up to heaven? Is it like a flight? Do you just get there?
8. I wonder how many people are getting married today? Good excuse to not show up if you were having some second thoughts.
9. I was walking through Grand Central this week and a guy yelled at me, “This is NOT A JOKE!!!” To which I responded, “I know, and that is what scares me, you aren’t kidding.”
10. How did this guy come up with an earthquake in New Zealand? Seriously, did he spin a fucking globe and his finger just happened to land in the South Pacific? Come on, really? You’d be better off picking someplace where bad shit happens all the time. I would have picked a volcano. Something that resembles hell.
Wow, this was not a well thought our rapture story.
Here is my conclusion. Life is a great thing. It is meant to be lived. I feel bad for these people who are running around talking about the end when really they should be focusing on making today count. Do you know how many people we could have fed with the money spent on the billboards and signs and t-shirts? Neither do I, but I’m guessing at least a few.
I hope you make this day count. I hope you go out and spend time with friends and family. Call someone you haven’t talked to in a long time. Book a trip (perhaps to Europe). Go for a run. Sing in the shower. Have sex in the middle of the day. Drink a really good bottle of wine. Write that book. Ask that hot chick (or guy for the female readers) to go on a date with you. Take a risk. Cause I’m going to tell you something. Monday morning is going to come. And you will have to go to work. I hope when you do, you have a good story from the weekend.
Get out there and live.