Epicly Bad Red Sox

Time for a rambling list:

1. The New England Patriots lost to the Buffalo Bills.  I may have been a tad upset by this.  I may have even sent my ex-girlfriend (who lives in Buffalo) an email last night telling her that it was her fault that they lost.  (Because you know what, it probably was)

2. Tom Brady did not throw four interceptions, I don’t care what anyone says.

3. Spent yesterday with some of my favorite people.  Being surrounded by people I like helped ease the bitter, bitter pain of both the Red Sox and Patriots losing. 

4. Speaking of the Sox….ummm…..huh?  $180m for this?  6-18 in September.  Some Sox thoughts –

John Lackey is getting divorced from his wife who has breast cancer.  Class act. (that could explain why he has been epicly -pretty sure epicly is not a word – bad this year) 

Carl Crawford should at least sell hotdogs during home games so that the organization gets some form of value from his $142m contract.  Use that speed to get up and down the isles!

Jon Lester….where have you gone?

J.D. Drew….how about you hit us another $13m home run.  Thanks.

Josh Beckett – Please win tonight.  Get angry.  Throw inside…

Francona – If you feel the need to show some emotion that would be nice. This club needs to life.

5. I love tater tots….Seriously, is there a better food out there?

6. R.E.M. split up.  I didn’t know they were still a band, so that’s cool.

7. Good to see Israel and Palestine getting along so well………..oh, hold on….they are still fighting?  No end in sight?  Ever?  Hopeless? 

8. “That wasn’t a hurricane, that was a rainy Tuesday in Ireland.” – Jason, Irish bartender on “Hurricane” Irene.

9. “So my brother rescued this bird from a gas station.  It was covered in grease and he washed it with Dawn soap like they do in the commercials.  It was dead an hour later.  I’m not sure what that says about Dawn….” – My friend Ali who then proceeded to show me a picture of the dead bird as proof. 

10. Submitting my new short story to literary magazines.  It is about being old and in love, just not with your wife.

11.  The other day I actually FORGOT TO EAT until 10:30 pm when I was feeling pains in my stomach and I thought, “Hmmm….did I eat anything today?  Cause maybe I should do that.”  I then thought, maybe you need to get a job….it will add structure to your life, so that I’ll do the basic things in life, like breath and eat.

12. My Mom had a Starbucks gift card and she “hates that crap” so she gave it to me.  I’ve been making it rain up in there!!  “I’ll have a Mocha Frapachino….WITH WHIP”  Oh yeah, I’m ballin.

13. I’m going to my second going away party in as many months this weekend. 

14. I have decided that if I don’t get an agent (or at least interest from an agent) by October 15th….I’m going to self publish my book.  I’m pretty excited.

15. Now that 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother, It’s Always Sunny, and Two and a Half Men are all in syndication…..far too much of my time has been spent watching TV. 

16. Speaking of which, when is Ted Mosby going to meet this fucking girl?  Seriously, come on.  Let’s get on with it.  I’m starting to get pissed over here.  I’m now rooting for the show to get cancelled so they can wrap this thing up. 

17.  I need to start playing a sport again. 

18. How is it that  have now tried to apply to the New York City volunteer site THREE times now and have not heard anything back?  Are you kidding?  I’m trying to give away my valuable (dare I say, brilliant) services for free and nothing.  No wonder this city is in such trouble.

19. I may have found a new favorite bar.  Don’t tell The Stumble Inn.  I don’t want it getting jealous.

20. I have two Vegas bachelor parties two weeks apart from one another.  Well then, that should be interesting.  Especially now that dates are firmed up.

21. My cousin wants to go on a South American adventure.  That could be interesting.

Plans for tonight…..I woke up to my buddy (NYC cop) sending me a text:  How soon can you start drinking?  

Fortunately for me he meant Happy Hour.  The idea of waking up and drinking didn’t exactly have an appeal….

Go Sox.  Everything will be OK with the Patriots (I would rather see them lose game 3 rather than….oh…..game 19)