Most Fucked Up Things People Have Said to Me

by agoodnow

Someone once told me that I was going to die sad and alone.  Kinda fucked up right?  I mean, hurtful even.  So it got me to thinking….what are the most fucked  things people have ever said to me? 

1. I love you, but I don’t like you.  – My Grandmother to me at age twelve.  Yep, that happened.

2. That wasn’t such a big deal. – Upon losing my virginity.  I mean, I knew I didn’t light the world on fire, but she could have thrown me a bone there.

3. Andrew, wake up, it’s time to go to work! – My boss throwing a towel at me after I woke up in his guest room after the company holiday party.  I then went on to eat breakfast with his wife and kids.  It was a real moment. 

4. Guess who is going to be Frosty the Snowman in the school play? – My second grade teacher to the class.  Now, typically that wouldn’t be so funny, but to add a little to the story….I was the only white male in the class.  Some of my fellow students were none too happy upon learning that they would be trees while I dressed up as the white snowman.  Yeah…..gotta love those Boston public schools.

5. Andrew, you do know that is your 17th Guinness, right? – bartender to me after I had apparently had my 17th beer.  Who would have thought?  That is just irresponsible bartending.

6. You are a nice guy, but…….. – any hot girl I have ever dated.

7. What the hell did you do in college? – My former boss upon me telling him my graduating GPA from the University of Delaware….a robust 2.201

8.  Andrew, I’m having another kid. – My mother informing me (at the age of 24) that due to the fact that I am not “marriage material” she would be having another child because she certainly wasn’t going to be getting any grandchildren out of me.

9. Yeah, you just don’t do it for me – girl that I was fairly smitten with on her feelings for me.  (that only ended up with like six months of therapy)

10. Dear Mr. Goodnow – Your book just isn’t for me – pretty much the form letter I get from every agent.

11. No, I will not make you a sandwich –  Guy behind the counter of the deli I go to.  He actually would not make me my food. 

12. Why do you live like a homeless person?

 

I am sure that I can think of more, but that is what is top of mind.