Oprah’s Book Club – My Pitch

by agoodnow

Dear Oprah,

I hear you have a book club with several members.  That’s great!  I have a book that I would like to share with every member of this book club of yours.  Let me give you a few reasons for this:

1. You like A Million Little Pieces until you found out it was part fiction.  Well, my book is sort of like that only I fully admit it is fiction.  Therefore you won’t get mad at me, invite me on your show, and tear me apart for lying to you.  Oprah – I would never lie to you.  Ever.

2. I think you and I would be best buddies.  You live in Chicago.  I think Chicago is a swell town.  See, we have so much in common.

3. I always thought David Letterman’s “Uma/ Oprah” thing was a bit silly.

4. You have a billion dollars.  I would like someday to be out of debt.  So we have that in common.

5. You give away cars.  I do not own a car.  (See how similar that is?)

6. Neither of us are married.

7. I like writing.  You like reading. 

8. My book is about someone with no money and a roommate who kidnaps a cat.  I’m assuming you do not have many money issues and probably at least like cats.

9. We both gain and lose weight before and after we run races.  We could bond over dinner while discussing my book!  Or maybe we could go for a run!  Either way we would be talking about a book you are going to love.  You win either way!  (I’m so happy you are going to get this opportunity)

10. I have never seen you with a drink in your hand (people take lots of pictures of you).  The word ‘sober’ is in my book title.  I am pretty sure that isn’t only a coincidence. 

11. I know how you like helping the less fortunate.  Due to being a writer I am now less fortunate.  See – PERFECT!!!!  You get to read a thrilling book and stick to your philanthropic creed (I don’t know if you have a creed, but I’m assuming you do)

12. You like laughing.  Who doesn’t?  Perfect.  My book will make you laugh and more important (and we are keeping with your creed) you are going to help others laugh by recommending my book.  What is better than laughter?  Healthcare?  Housing?  Education?  I don’t think so, I would rather have a good chuckle.


So there we have it Oprah (ie, my newest best friend).  I think I have outlined why my book would benefit the lives of millions.  I’m glad we can partner like this.  I look forward to hearing from you (or your people)  Thanks and have a great day!  I have attached the link to my book for your convenience.