The Hot, Hot Heat!
The hot, hot heat is upon us and I have some seasonal tips for people.
1. Stop taking pictures of the temperature on your car’s dashboard and posting to Facebook. I know it is hot. Frankly, I don’t give a fuck about what your car has to say about the temperature.
2. If you are going to wear sandals, maybe wash your feet. Nothing sexier than a big toe with a nice chunk of dirt under the nail.
3. This is a special shout out to the guy who walks on 72nd Street each day with his shirt off and jeans below his ass crack. Stop. Just stop. Put on a tank top and a pair of shorts that fit you. You’ll be more comfortable and I won’t have to throw up in my mouth when you walk by.
4. Enjoy the long days. Stay out really late. You will miss this in about three months.
5. Go to the beach. I neglected this until last summer and my life changed for the better. Vitamin D is a wonderful thing. Oh, and use sunscreen.
6. BBQ whenever you can. Life is better with a grill.
7. Play. Just fucking play out fucking side. Run. Shoot hoops. Play with your dog. Whatever, just get the fuck outside. Air conditioning gets old.
8. Go to a baseball game. Nothing more American than eating processed food, drinking beer from a Belgium owned company, and rooting for players who are mostly from (Latin) America.
9. Buy new running shoes.
10. Put on clean socks before buying new running shoes.
11. Forget it, don’t buy new running shoes.
12. Buy new running shoes, but just don’t ask for me to do it.
13. OK, I’ll help you with your running shoes if you ask nice.
14. Street fairs. Oh hell yes! If you pass a street fair, attend. Get some sort of food that is surely terrible for you and buy some 8,000 thread count Egyptian sheets for $10.
15. Pools……..avoid the public ones if you have an open wound. Or any pool with band aids floating on the surface. Yeah, that’s good advice.
16. Do laundry….often.
17. If deodorant doesn’t work. Axe body spray might help.
18. Visit Central Park (The north side. The south end of the park is full of French tourist who will actively try to run you over with a rented bike.)
19. Ice cream. None of that Pinkberry crap.
20. Use a fan if it is warm. Use the AC if it is hot.
21. Watch “Do The Right Thing”
22. Wear shorts whenever possible.
23. Drink lots of water.
Hope you are enjoying your summer. Oh, and don’t drink and drive.