It's All Goodnow……

50 Shades and Magic Mike

No, I did not read 50 Shades of whatever the fuck it is and I did not see Magic Mike does Dallas.   However, the rise in popularity gave me pause. 

So in the last few months 50 Shades of Grey has become one of the best selling book trilogies EVER and the movie Magic Mike was released. 

50 Shades being a tale of an insecure woman and a man who enters her life, dominates her, and eventually they end up together.  Romance in the purest of forms.  Most of the pages are filled with sex and the book has been labeled “Mommy porn”  How lovely.  I bet women read the 50 Shades trilogy for the compelling narrative and character development.  Nothing to do with just being downright horny.  Nope, that has nothing to do with it.  It makes me wonder if deep down inside women want to be dominated by a guy who just doesn’t seem to give a shit about her.  And you wonder why some guys are complete assholes toward women.  

Magic Mike is a movie about male strippers and maybe it is only my Facebook feed, but it appears as if it is mostly women going to see it.  I wonder why that is?  Because of the compelling story?  The Oscar worthy performances?  The art direction?  Is it to see the “beefcake”?  I think it might be.  Beefcake.  Yep, you ladies are all about the beef. Cake of beef.  The ladies like the meat.  The sausage…the…well, I think you see where this is headed. 

After so many years of women rolling their eyes when men claimed to read Playboy for the articles (which frankly, isn’t so far off.  Playboy does have great writer’s) the roles have reversed.  Women are flocking to entertainment that fulfills their sexual desires. Be it male strippers on the big screen or nestling up to their Kindle.  

I firmly believe that this teaches a couple of things as it relates to sex – 

Women are just as bad as men.  If not worse.

We all have guilty pleasures.

 

I think this now makes it cool for me to read a Playboy on the subway next to any woman who is reading her 50 Shades of male dominance.  You know, for the articles. 

I Want To Be A Vampire

Starting to think vampires have the right idea.  I think I would like to be one. 

1. They sleep during the day.  

2. They party all night.

3. They sleep when it is hot out.

4 They are awake when it is a nice temperature

5. They sleep when women are working

6. They are awake when the ladies want to get down

7. Them vampires be getting all the ladies!

8. Apparently one of our greatest Presidents was once so infatuated with vampires as to try to kill them all. I would also like to point out that this was so unpopular that he was assassinated. 

9. Vampires don’t need cell phones. 

10. Vampires can fly.  Maybe

11. Vampires have a crisp clear complexion.

12. I would assume vampires can run night marathons

13. Vampires are very smart – have you ever seen A Vampire in Brooklyn?  

14. Vampires can take other forms.  So if I ever want to pretend to be Vampire Hugh Hefner, BAM! done. I’m in the grotto. 

15. Vampires like necks.  I don’t know why that matters. 

16. Vampires like having slicked back hair.  I enjoy having slicked back hair.

17. Vampires don’t like the Yankees. 

18. I bet vampires party like rock stars.  Have you ever seen a vampire with a hangover?  No, and do you know why? Because they sleep in a dark box and are allowed to sleep for ten hours at a time. 

19. Vampires look good in black.

20. Vampires always look good.  Have you ever seen an unkempt vampire?

21. I would use my vampire powers for good.  Like meeting pretty ladies and sucking people’s blood when I got hungry.  I’d be the best vampire ever. 

22. I think they live a long time.  Kinda like Sea Turtles. 

 

So there you have it.  I want to be a vampire.  An awesome vampire.  I could start a new blog about it.  The Vampire Blog…..but I am sure that already exists.