I Want To Be A Vampire

by agoodnow

Starting to think vampires have the right idea.  I think I would like to be one. 

1. They sleep during the day.  

2. They party all night.

3. They sleep when it is hot out.

4 They are awake when it is a nice temperature

5. They sleep when women are working

6. They are awake when the ladies want to get down

7. Them vampires be getting all the ladies!

8. Apparently one of our greatest Presidents was once so infatuated with vampires as to try to kill them all. I would also like to point out that this was so unpopular that he was assassinated. 

9. Vampires don’t need cell phones. 

10. Vampires can fly.  Maybe

11. Vampires have a crisp clear complexion.

12. I would assume vampires can run night marathons

13. Vampires are very smart – have you ever seen A Vampire in Brooklyn?  

14. Vampires can take other forms.  So if I ever want to pretend to be Vampire Hugh Hefner, BAM! done. I’m in the grotto. 

15. Vampires like necks.  I don’t know why that matters. 

16. Vampires like having slicked back hair.  I enjoy having slicked back hair.

17. Vampires don’t like the Yankees. 

18. I bet vampires party like rock stars.  Have you ever seen a vampire with a hangover?  No, and do you know why? Because they sleep in a dark box and are allowed to sleep for ten hours at a time. 

19. Vampires look good in black.

20. Vampires always look good.  Have you ever seen an unkempt vampire?

21. I would use my vampire powers for good.  Like meeting pretty ladies and sucking people’s blood when I got hungry.  I’d be the best vampire ever. 

22. I think they live a long time.  Kinda like Sea Turtles. 


So there you have it.  I want to be a vampire.  An awesome vampire.  I could start a new blog about it.  The Vampire Blog…..but I am sure that already exists.