PLEASE READ THE POST “MEAN AGENT REJECTION LETTER” BEFORE READING THIS POST. IT IS THE LAST POST. THANKS.
Dear Good Sir,
While my words on pages may not be Hemingwayesque (I hope you don’t get angry with me for making up my own word), it has received a favorable response from most of the people who have read it. I adhere to the Stephen King school of thought that a book, pardon me, words on pages should be story driven. That is what I did with my words on paper, My Sober Year. I don’t think Stephen King is a retarded donkey and I would be honored if he read my words on paper. Further, you made mention of book burning. While admirable (the Nazi’s had great success with this) I do think that you may have overstepped on that one. I would also like to point out you made a spelling mistake in your letter to me. As an agent you should be embarrassed and ashamed. There is this amazing new tool created in the mid-eighties called spell check. You may want to employ it from time to time when belittling aspiring writers. See, you may have made it in your craft, but you are …..thinking…..thinking……such a bad writer I can’t come up with the wor……a bully. (I was going to call you an asshole, but I thought it too “sophomoric”)
I hope you revise your rejection letter policies and your general outlook on life. Who knows, our paths may someday cross and I could be a lot bigger than you (professionally speaking of course).
I hope you have a great day.
May God bless and hold you in the palm of his hand (I wanted to incorporate God here as you did in your letter).
Andrew J. Goodnow
Author of My Sober Year, a novel