Two And A Half World Diet
I’m on a new diet. I call it the Two and a Half World Diet. Simply because Third World Diet seems offensive.
So it consists of going 14 hours at a time without eating. So I usually wait until 3 PM to eat. I drink a lot of water. Clean water. Not out of a polluted river or rusty spicket. Then I eat once more before going to bed.
The point here is to give my body rest from digestion. When the body is digesting food it is taking away from its ability to repair. In essence I am giving my body down time. I am by no means calorie deficient and hence why this is not a Third World diet. Just parring back the eating.
Also. Beer is allowed. For a number of reasons. Because it tastes good and I like it.
I eat anything I want.
I eat twice a day.
I drink at least a gallon of water.
At least 14 hours between late night meal and first meal of the day.
It is perfect and I believe it will be the next diet fad. Actually, I know it will be. The Goodnow Diet. The Two and a Half World Diet.
I have already lost twelve pounds. I am the picture of health!
Some may disagree with this practice. Some may say that the body needs to eat for the metabolism to work. But I, being the smartest human in the world and never having taken a nutrition class, know exactly what I am doing. This will be the next big thing. Kate Upton will use this diet. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will use this diet. It will be the diet of the stars.
Formerly fat people across the world will sing my praise. The will build statues for me. Jenny Craig will go out of business. Weight Watchers will be bought out by my empire of weight control. Fat Bastard will be my spokesman. I will single handedly eradicate obesity while keeping people happy AND drunk.
World, you are welcome.