On November 4th 2012 I will be running the NYC marathon. Here are my training tips….because clearly I am an expert.
Keys to marathon training……..
1. Drink lots of water.
2. Eat ice cream
3. You can’t win a marathon without putting some band-aids on your nipples. Or nipple guards. Those are important.
4. Drink lots of fruit smoothies.
5. Run fast once in a while.
6. Run slow for long distances.
7. Lose weight. It helps to get up hills.
8. When your legs hurt, ride the bike.
9. Take pain killers when needed.
10. Shave your head…..it’s awesome.
11. Body Glide…..lots of it.
12. Don’t eat too many cookies.
13. Floss. I mean, that’s just good advice in general.
14. Socks. Lots of socks.
15. Get your running shoes a half size too big. It helps.
16. Yoga. Fringe benefit of being a dude in yoga class….94% women. Bendy women.
18. Give up something you get to have again after the race. Like beer. I will have abstained from drinking beer for 35 days. You think that won’t get me to the finish line a little quicker?
19. Run with a group. Much harder to blow off a run if people are waiting for you.
20. No really, Body Glide is important.
21. So is lotion when Body Glide just isn’t enough.
22. GU. Because you get hungry when you run.
23. Salt. Lots of salt.
24. Hot showers to wash away the salt that dries all over your body.
25. Compression socks. Those bad boys really do work.
26. Beet juice. Gross, but it does work.
27. Burritos. A source of everything a runner needs wrapped in a tortilla.
28. A shoe elf (ie. a running expert to guide you)
29. A “fat picture” of yourself. I have one. It keeps me wanting to not be that guy.
30. Have more than one place to run. Keep it fresh. Stay off the treadmill.
31. Know where there are bathrooms around your running route. Nothing sucks more than getting a ticket for public urination while on a training run.
32. Look up marathon times of people you don’t like. Make sure you can beat them. Or maybe an ex. I know I want to beat a time of my ex. By a lot.
37. Trim your toenails. A lot. Or get a pedicure.
38. Remember…..it is only a run. Enjoy it. Take time off if you get hurt. Make it about being healthy. Make it about improvement. Don’t make it about pain. Don’t make it an emotional struggle. Don’t make it one more stress in your life.
Yours in good marathoning.