Now that 87% of my friends are married, it got me to thinking…….in the last 5 years I have been to 15 weddings. I have been in the wedding party five times. My guess is that those weddings have cost me approximately $8,000. I went through and guessed how much money was spent on hotel, travel, tux, gift, and incidental expenses. That comes out to $533 per wedding.
(Note that I have not one, but two beers in my hand. Apparently trying to get my money’s worth)
It got to the point where I set up a “wedding fund”. 10% of my paycheck was going into a fund strictly so that I could celebrate my friends getting married. It pained me to look at the account knowing that it was all money that would disappear. Not that I’m upset to have gone to any of those weddings. I have yet to go to a wedding that wasn’t fun (some certainly better than others, but if you can’t make 3 hours of open bar fun, you have problems) but seeing that much money disappears into a black hole of Hiltons, Amtraks, and Men’s Warehouses it is difficult to swallow.
(Ok, apparently I did not find that shot too tough to swallow)
Which brings me to my next thought. Not one of my friends, whose wedding I have attended (or been invited to) are divorced. The total number there is 18. Of my 18 friends NONE of them are divorced yet. That is a complete and utter anomalie. People just don’t stay married anymore.
(See, weddings turn some people into a Tasmanian Devil)
I know, I know. Give it some time. Those numbers will change (and they certainly aren’t going down), but there must be a reason for this low divorce rate. Here is what I came up with:
1. My friends are perfect humans who pick perfect mates. They are tops in the animal kingdom of marriage. (Now all of my friend’s wives can stop reading this blog)
2. My buddies are spineless and listen to everything their wives tell them to do, thus keeping everyone happy.
3. I’m the “Good Luck Chuck” of weddings. Invite me and you will have a happy marriage for years to come.
4. My friends are too dumb to file the paperwork necessary to facilitate a divorce.
5. Divorce is too expensive (and so is dating once you are single again)
6. Kids. Some of them have one. Some have two. A couple of them have THREE kids. That is a good reason not to get a divorce. (I could also see child support being a real drain)
7. Two incomes = you can buy more stuff.
8. If you are married you can make full use of a man cave. If you are single you sit in your living room because you are alone and thus no need to escape to the cave. Man cave = cooler than living room.
9. Some of my friends married into really cool families. (note to self: find a father-in-law who belongs to a ritzy country club and needs a wing man in Vegas)
10. Home cooked meals beat the dollar menu at McDonalds………most nights.
(You can always depend on your friends. Even if it is to use their head as a drink holder)
So here is hoping none of my friends get divorced. (If any of you do I will have the pull out couch and a bottle of scotch ready for you)
But if you do, I’m sending an itemized bill for all wedding expenses and gifts.
The money spent on the bachelor party you can keep……….
(Nothing like a little champagne at 10 am)